Growing Through Grief: Some loss takes you to your knees

By Angela Clement

Some loss takes you to your knees. When we are in pain, we do need support and unfortunately all too often its not so easy to find. A lot of us actually would prefer to avoid talking about grief or loss. It is uncomfortable and awkward so we avoid it We feel there is nothing we could say or do that would help anyway. To add insult to injury, sometimes even our closest friends and family just turn their backs when we need them most because they don't know what else to do. It happens because until you actually lose someone very close to you its hard to comprehend. But we need to talk about grief and loss, because there are more and more people that need the support and are not getting it.

As time passes, society expects that we will heal and life will go back to "normal" for us. They expect us to "move on". This is one of the hardest things the bereaved must deal with because when the support wanes and people start living their own lives with what feels like very little regard for our own, we start to feel alone and depressed. We also start to think that there is something wrong with us. After all, everyone else says that time heals all wounds. They say that our loved one is in a better place and they don't want us to be sad. I was told I would learn to live with it and carry it If you have been through a significant loss, you already know that these words, even though meant to be helpful, are far from encouraging.

Here are some things you can do to support someone. First, just make yourself available. Show up! This might simply be a text that says I am thinking of you. It might be bringing dinner. Don't be afraid to share your memories of their loved one. Be okay to talk with them or sit with them, even in silence. Provide assurance that even though you can never fully understand their pain, you feel for them and you are there. Take them for a drive. Spend time with them. A simple acknowledgement that you haven't forgotten them helps. Remember its not a one and done. Keep it going. Everyone grieves differently. The healing happens on its own time. The anniversaries, birthdays and special days can be painful for many years for some. Write down any dates that are special. Include the death anniversary of the loved one who has departed, their birthday and other special days. On those days, make a point of letting those who are grieving know you are thinking of them and if you can, do something special for them.

Don't just assume because the bereaved say they are okay that they are okay. If they feel like no one wants to listen to them "complain" they will often stick their chin up, forge on and consequently suffer in silence. Just because they are getting out and going through the motions of the day doesn't mean they are okay. Often the evenings are difficult They will need time to find the balance between time alone and time with others. Show through your actions that you are there to listen and that it is safe for them to express how they are feeling. Remember all feelings are valid. Don't try to fix the feelings. Allow those who have been through loss to talk about how they are feeling, without judgment. This will help them heal and release those difficult emotions. Encourage them to share their stories by writing them down or expressing them in other creative ways and encourage and support them when they are seeking help or trying something new. The process of grief is not easy and yet with support and patience we all can get back to a life we love again. We are never meant to do it alone and we shouldn't need to suffer in silence. If you would like more information or you would like to ask questions, feel free to contact me at www.healingenergy.world