Growing Through Grief: Making New Memories

By Angela Clement

One of the things that can be really painful after losing a loved one is longing for things to be the way that they were. We want so badly to have our loved ones back so that we can experience this life with them by our side. We want them back for Christmas, New Years and all the special holidays. This yearning for what cannot be causes a lot of pain and anguish. We can get really stuck in this part of the grieving process. There is much suffering that comes from being in this space.

It is normal to want to relive the past in this way. Often we will beg and plead with God to make the pain go away or to bring them back for just one more day. Yet over time we start to realize that nothing is going to change the fact that they are gone. We wonder how we will ever continue on with the pain that is encompassing every facet of our experience. Yet surprisingly many have been able to transcend the pain and recreate a life of joy and happiness again.

Part of the process requires honoring our loved ones' memory and living our lives in such a way that would make them so happy and proud. Blaine was a man who loved meeting people and interacting with anyone. He would strike up conversations with complete strangers in restaurants, on planes, or anywhere he could. He was genuinely interested in listening to others' stories. As his wife and a natural introvert, I always marvelled at his ability to talk to anyone no matter what their background might be.

When he transitioned, I was left to take care of things myself. It often meant I would have to reach out for help and that required talking to people I did not know. Inviting complete strangers to be guest speakers to participate in my online grief summits was particularly scary. I had to really move out of my comfort zone and realize that there was nothing to fear. What was the worst thing that could happen? That they would say no?

This past weekend the kids and I along with members of the recreation board and community of Val Marie held a memorial curling bonspiel in honor of Blaine’s memory and his love of sports and of participating socially in the community. People were important to him and so it felt good to get together with his friends and family and just have some fun doing the things that he loved to do. It was a wonderful way to involve others in celebrating who he was.

We get to create our lives going forward. We have the free will and choice to make amazing things happen even after a traumatic loss. I have found it is not something you do alone, but with time and support, you can start to create new traditions and memories in honor of your loved one. It doesn’t have to be a big event either. It can be as simple as lighting a candle, taking a little trip somewhere, eating some of their favourite food or creating some type of little project in their honor. Life is about living. Our loved ones most certainly want us to live our lives fully and completely. They are watching and looking down and cheering us on as we move forward with the things you dare to dream of doing. What are your new dreams? Let’s see what we can do to help you make those come true. Let me know. angela@healingnenergy.world