Growing Through Grief: Love and Fear
By Angela Clement
It is said that there are really only two emotions. They are love and fear. Love encompasses all the pleasant emotions that we feel such as joy, peace and gratitude. Fear encompasses feelings such as guilt, shame and regret. We cannot feel the two at the same time and so the power is in the choice we make.
We all know fear. It is that emotion that we really just want to avoid. It is such an uncomfortable feeling. All the while that Blaine was fighting his cancer and after his passing I was constantly in and out of fear. The fear was coming from my thoughts. As soon as he was diagnosed the initial fear took over. All I could think about was the fact that I might lose him. My mind ran through all the scenarios trying to prepare me for what would happen. A great deal of energy was expended on a process that was not helpful and it seemed impossible to stop the mind from its cycling. Its main priority was to keep me safe and it was doing that at all cost to my nervous system.
We also know love. That feeling of love is like nothing else. When you think of someone or something you truly love you can’t help but smile and feel gratitude and peace. Love is that feeling when you look into a child’s smiling face, when your pet curls up on your lap and goes to sleep or when you are walking in the trees on a beautiful spring day. There is something about love that can conquer anything, including fear.
One thing that I have learned is that when we think about the future without our loved ones we often create fear through our thoughts. One way to manage these thoughts is by recognizing them for what they are and consciously choosing a new story around those thoughts. In order to do this we have to first recognize when we are in fear and then pinpoint the accompanying thoughts that are creating the fear. Writing down everything that you are afraid of is a great start. Getting this out in plain sight where you can see it is powerful because it puts those fears in a place where they can be acknowledged. It also helps us to clear our mind of the chaos that fear causes. Another way is to bring ourselves back to the present moment through mindfulness. We can practice this by using our five senses to sensate the world around us. We can also focus on our breath and things we love and are grateful for. At first this might be difficult and you may only be able to do it for a few seconds. This is okay. As you practice, it will get easier and you will be able to stay in the present longer.
Talking about your fears to others can be really helpful. Choose to educate yourself through people and resources that feel good to you. When you are in fear it is important that you take good care of yourself by feeling into your own needs and then acting on them.There are a lot of added fears on TV, radio and social media. Limit your exposure to these things. In contrast, doing kind things for others will bring about the feelings of love and caring that can dispel fear.
If we have lost a loved one, our whole world changes and it is normal to become fearful due to the many unanswered questions. Know that the best way to work with fear is to face it. Feel it and acknowledge that it is there. Pushing it away tends to make it come back with a vengeance. You don’t have to do this alone. Remember that you have support all around you here on earth and up above. Please feel free to reach out to me for resources or just a chat anytime. I have an upcoming free online summit that you can sign up for that will inspire you and provide you with many resources to help you at this difficult time. You can access it at healingenergy.world.