Growing Through Grief: Grief is a Season
By Angela Clement
If you are in grief over loss of a loved one, a job, a relationship, a home, or any other loss I am here to tell you I have been there. Likely not exactly the same way you have but I can relate to the pain of loss. The pain of grief can swallow us up and sometimes we can fall into despair wondering how we will ever be free of the suffering. In fact there are many who cannot find their way out of that pain and sadness and give up trying for a life of happiness and joy because they do not believe it is possible. This is where the saying, “You will grieve for a lifetime” is born. This saying is deceiving and untrue. You do not need to grieve for a lifetime. Please know, grief is a season.
Grief really is the process of healing from loss. It is the way we heal. If you take the time and the steps toward healing, you can heal from your loss and live your life with joy and purpose. In fact, you can not only heal, you can thrive. I am not saying that there will not be moments of occasional sadness. That will likely happen, but we had occasional moments of sadness in life before our loss too. That is part of life in general. In truth, grief too is a natural part of life and it is something that we are wired for. However, it does not need to go on forever.
Another saying that you will hear is “Time heals all wounds”. I don’t believe that is true. You cannot just wait around for yourself to heal from your loss. You need to actively grieve and be okay with it and understand that it is the medicine you need. You can’t feel guilty about it or shameful because it just festers more. You have to love yourself and allow the process. Think if you had a broken leg. You need to give it time, you also need a cast and to give it the rest it deserves. We can’t expect to heal properly if we don’t do these things first.
The thing is, we don’t have any problem talking about how to heal a broken leg but we don’t talk about how we heal from grief. I will also dare to say that until you have actually gone through a significant loss, you have no idea. It is really hard to comprehend the strong emotion. If you are looking to heal your grief, you are going to want to find someone who has been through it but not only that, been through it and healed. Sometimes you have to look a lot farther than it should be necessary to find that person. There are so many people out there hurting and suffering and have no idea how to move on or where to turn.
What to do if you are having trouble healing from your grief? Find a grief coach. I had no idea these people existed but when I lost Blaine I was determined to find someone who understood what I was going through and who had actually healed from their grief. I am here to tell you it made all the difference for me and it will for you too. It doesn’t matter where you are in your healing process, it is a good idea to find the help you need. You will need to find a coach that you can relate to. Often they will do a free session to start and in that time you can make a decision about whether they are a fit for you. If you want group support that is great too but make sure you are not coming out of those sessions feeling more depressed. It is all fine for everyone to share their story of loss but there has to be hope and tools provided in that setting as well. Find a group that makes you feel uplifted and empowered.
If you are interested in more resources and information around grief, please reach out. Do not wait. Grief is a season. It does not need to go on forever.
Angela can be reached at aclementvm@gmail.com