Growing Through Grief: Another Milestone
By Angela Clement
Today is the 26th of October. This is the day two years ago that I lost my husband, Blaine, to colon cancer. It was the saddest day of my entire life. Two years ago I had no idea how I would ever survive. Part of me really didn’t want to. My life was turned upside down and I had no idea how I would be able to navigate this new existence. It seemed impossible to imagine a life without my husband. I expected to have so much more time with him. I expected my children to have their father for so much longer.
A lot has happened since then. There have been very challenging times as you can probably imagine. This loss has been such a deep wound for me in this life. There have been times where I have questioned my sanity, my faith and why I am even here on this earth. It has led me down a deep, dark path to finding out what life even means to me now that he is gone.
Through the past two years I have learned an awful lot about grief as a process and how it helped me to accept and find meaning. I have this innate desire to keep searching for my truth about life, love and loss. I have been fortunate to find so many who have helped me along the way. I believe it is by no accident that so many of these growth opportunities were put before me. I feel the support of what I call my higher self supporting and guiding me.
Today my heart is tender. I reflect on my life. I am the same and yet I am so very different. I have come so far that it feels like I am in another lifetime. I feel confident that I know how to get through any sadness that arises. I have done it many times before. I have learned how to release the emotions that come up. I see grief differently. My tears are a cleansing release. I know joy will return again soon. I choose what I want to do to nurture myself. Today I chose to have a quiet day at home. I chose this time to reflect and learn something new through the experience. I chose to allow whatever comes without worry or fear.
I have learned to trust the guidance within me. I seek things that bring me joy and happiness. I follow my heart. I don’t know what the future holds but I continue to take one step at a time. I am always surprised when I find out what comes to me when I open myself up to trying something new. I have learned to love who I am now. With Blaine tucked safely inside my heart, I open myself up to being surprised at what experiences and adventures I will take in the years to come.
I know I am not alone today. There are many that walk with me on this earth and up above that support, care and love me as continue down this path. Blaine and I are still very much connected. We are building our relationship every day as he guides and supports me from his spiritual space. He and I hold space for everyone who is grieving today. My family, my friends and anyone else who is hurting, my heart goes out to you. I see you. We are sending hope, inspiration and peace to you today. Lots of love, Angela.