Growing Through Grief: Acknowledgement
By Angela Clement
When we lose our special someone we start out in just plain disbelief and absolute shock. It is hard to describe the pain and yet anyone who has lost someone special knows it. The pain is intense and it doesn’t just go away without some type of intervention on your part. Having your grief acknowledged is a huge part of your healing and yet often this is something that gets overlooked. We need to be understood and know that grief is a normal part of the healing process. We need the reassurance that it is okay to feel all the intense emotion that comes with grief. We in fact need to feel all of it without feeling guilty or ashamed in order to heal.
It is difficult for others to understand how intense grief can be. They can sympathize and even feel really awful about it but until they lose a special someone themselves they will never be able to truly understand the pain of grief. It is incomprehensible. It is not something to minimize. Time alone does not heal the wounds. It takes more than that.
People around you want you to be happy again and so they say and do many things to try to help you to feel better. They tell you that you need to be strong and to move on because your loved one wouldn’t want you to be sad. They tell you your loved one is in a better place and if you just get on with life and get busy you will feel better. They also usually have a preconceived amount of time after which you should be fine. Certainly all of this is well meaning but not that helpful.
Only you will understand the uniqueness of your grief. Even siblings that have lost a parent will all have different grief journeys. Your relationship with your person was yours and because no one can know that intimacy no one can completely know your grief. The beautiful thing about this is that your relationship is very special indeed and it is a bond that only you and your loved one on the other side will know.
There is no cookie cutter recipe for grief. How long it takes to feel better, what you need to do to heal, what helps you and what doesn’t is all individual. It is not just physically being left all alone that makes you feel alone, it is the actual healing journey that is lonely. You will need a lot of encouragement, patience and support to trust your own judgment when it comes to what you need moment to moment. You will need to carefully listen to your own body and intuition. Meanwhile, people often have their own lives to live and their support will wane long before you are okay. Even if you are one of those people that keeps communicating you are still needing support, often people will not know how to help you.
You will find that having your grief acknowledged is a big step toward healing. Having someone listen and validate your feelings is healing. My advice is this. If the acknowledgement and support doesn’t happen anymore or maybe it never has, don’t keep waiting for it and consequently become bitter when it doesn’t. Don’t allow this to be the reason to stay stuck in your grief. You need to find individuals who are doing the work, have taken positive steps to heal and understand and validate your pain from their own experience. Listening to others who have been through grief and now are living a renewed life of happiness will bring you the hope and inspiration you need to guide you in your journey. Allow them to guide you. You are not meant to do this alone.
I know sometimes finding a place to have your grief acknowledged can be difficult. Find out if there is a group in your church or in your community where you can go to find the people you need to meet. Also, I host a special get together on zoom to provide the very support I describe. You can find out more here: www.healingenergy.world.