Check It Out: Life after professional hockey

By Joan Janzen

A professional hockey player once said, “How would you like a job where, every time you make a mistake, a big red light goes on, and 18,000 people boo?”

Canadian, Theo Fleury, a former professional hockey player, had that job. From a young age, he lived and breathed hockey. In a recent interview Theo said, “I often speak to parents and say - you put your kids in sports, not to create professional athletes, but to create quality human beings and set them up for the rest of their life.”

He gave Wayne Gretzky as an example. “Not only is he a great hockey player, but he’s a greater human being than he is a hockey player,” Theo said. “All the superstars that were in the league when I was playing were all greater human beings than they were hockey players.”

According to Theo, they all came from small towns, grew up poor, dedicated their lives to hockey, worked hard and played hard, both on and off the ice. “We were relatable to people who bought tickets to come and watch us play” he said.

Born and raised in Oxbow, 58 kilometres west of the SK/Man. border, young Theo dreamed of playing in the NHL. “How many 6-year-olds go around their small town telling anyone who would listen that some day I’m going to play in the NHL?” Theo asked.

Nine of his boyhood years were spent playing hockey with the same thirteen guys and the same three coaches. It was while playing hockey in a small town in the middle of nowhere that he learned about respect, loving and caring for teammates, and received a blue print for success. He desperately needed that blue print, because he didn’t get it at home, where both his parents suffered with addictions, and young Theo had experienced sexual abuse.

“Hockey was my sanctuary. We were really poor, so the arena was the place that everything I was lacking at home, I got in the arena. I felt deeply loved and fell head over heals in love with hockey,” he said.

The retired hockey player made an interesting observation, saying, “All the adversity I faced in the early part of my life led me to where I am today. Those things have become gifts in my life. The great thing about adversity is it builds resilience.” That resilience enables him to stand up for the core values he learned along with the fundamentals of hockey.

“Our Prime Minister is a prime example of a leader who grew up without adversity,” he said, noting the absence of accountability and refusal to accept criticism. Instead of learning from criticism, he censors it.

“After I told my trauma story in 2009, it changed the trajectory of my life. It put me into a place of being of service. And my success in my hockey career allowed me to have a voice where people would actually listen to me,” Theo explained.

Now his Breaking Free Foundation invites a whole bunch of people to share their trauma stories, and everyone who listens relates to their pain. He believes trauma is at the core of every single issue we have in society. The last few years have resulted in a traumatized society and a spike in addictions and suicide. Theo believes it is completely unnecessary and doesn’t need to happen. So what is his solution?

“It’s basic relationship stuff,” he says. “We say we’re going to love you unconditionally until you can love yourself. That’s what happened to me; now it’s my turn to love people until they can love themselves. I’ve also been on a spiritual journey, and realized God always had a plan for me. The only time the plan went sideways was when I was running the show.”

Theo the hockey player never thought he would one day be helping people heal from trauma. Now, both his past trauma and past success are enabling him to give back to others in a big way.