Check It Out: Forgiveness can change the future

By Joan Janzen

The T-shirt said, “It's been 'one of those days' for like 3 years now.” Sometimes it may feel that way; other times it's just 'one of those days'. That was the case as a woman relayed the story of a life-altering event that took place forty years ago.

I recall listening to Shannon Ethridge share her story quite a few years ago. It's a story that is not easily forgotten. Shannon is a public speaker and author, but in 1984, she was a 16-year-old high school student who jumped in her car and headed off to school. However, she never did make it to school that day.

After driving for a mile and a half down a quiet dirt road, she adjusted her mirror and quickly applied her lipstick. Suddenly, she felt her car jolt. She remembers thinking she might have hit a farm animal who escaped from the pasture, but she found out something much more tragic had happened.

She stopped the car, got out and ran back to see what she had hit. Standing in absolute shock, she saw the body of a woman lying face down in the grass beside a twisted bicycle. Since this was before cell phones existed, the girl ran to the nearest farm and called 9-1-1, but it was too late; the woman was dead.

Late that night, alone in her bedroom, Shannon cried more tears than she had ever cried. Thoughts bombarded her mind - thoughts of suicide and thoughts about the woman's family. How was she going to face the woman's children or her husband, and would they hate her for what she had done? Soon, those questions were answered.

The woman's husband, Gary, had been at work when he received the call informing him of his wife's death. He and his wife had spent years working as Bible translators, and Gary asked himself how his wife would respond if it had been he who had been killed. He immediately knew the answer.

He was well aware of how compassionate his wife had been, and he knew she would forgive the teenaged girl. The first decision he made was that there would be no law suits or charges laid against the girl. The second decision he made was to issue a request to meet her in person.

The evening before the woman's funeral, Shannon was invited to Gary's home, where the family was gathered together. She tentatively knocked on the door. When she stepped inside she saw Gary come down the hall with his arms extended. He gave her a big hug and told her he forgave her.

He explained that his wife wouldn't have wanted this tragic event to ruin her young life. Instead he hoped she would spend her life making this world a better place and helping other people, just like his wife had been dedicated to doing.

Even though the tragedy was Shannon's fault, Gary insisted the district attorney drop the charges against her without a trial. Up until that moment, Shannon said she had always thought of God as a distant disciplinarian who would judge her for all she had done wrong. But Gary's hug, forgiveness and refusal to lay charges changed everything. The God Gary revealed to her through his unconditional forgiveness was very different from the God she thought she knew.

In an article for CBN, Shannon wrote, "It gave me hope, that perhaps if this family and Gary especially could forgive me, maybe God can forgive me too and maybe eventually I can forgive myself."

Not only did Gary forgive Shannon, but he and his family welcomed her into their family just as if she were a daughter. Throughout the years, they continued to share a strong bond that had been formed because of tragedy.

Shannon eventually became a public speaker and author. She dedicated her first book to the woman she had found face down in the grass beside a twisted bike. Through an ongoing process, Shannon learned how to love others like Gary's wife had done. Most importantly, she learned to love and forgive herself and encourage others to do the same.

Bernard Meitzer summed up the topic of forgiveness quite well in a single quote. He conducted a radio advice call-in show for several decades and offered these words of wisdom: "When you forgive, you in no way change the past—but you sure do change the future." Those words played out in real-time in Shannon Ethridge's life.